The Objective Observer

Alright, first off, I am not a big fan of making predictions and with The Da Vinci Code article and now this; I don’t want to make it a habit of beating people soundly about the head and neck with verbiage. It’s not incredibly constructive and I know all that. But damn-it, I just HAD to read this “Now or never” article in The Dispatch this past Sunday and that Feldman guy, well, he was the last straw.

First, let me just say that Maurice Clarett is smart and talented guy. He demonstrated his talent such that while he had the benefit of running behind a national championship worthy offensive line, no other running back on that team was able to put up the numbers that he did. He did this by being smart AND talented. He understood how to hide behind his big offensive blockers, be patient and when a hole opened up squirt through it with impressive quickness. Defensive players would lose track of him behind the blockers and then he would blow past them so fast and with such ferocity that they were left picking up their jock straps. Great stuff Mr. Clarett.

Second, I don’t really care about this whole Maurice Clarett vs OSU thing one-way or the other. Sure, I got caught up in the Buckeye madness that season. It was hard not to. I mean, come on. That was an EXCITING season! And I’m not even a big Buckeye or football nut. But regardless of all that I don’t know anything about Andy Geiger, Jim Tressel and the OSU staff. They could all be complete Machiavellian, dictatorial idiots for all I know. And I don’t know Mr. Clarett personally either for that matter.

Third, this probably isn’t the BEST use of an hour of my life to bag on someone but I am tired of this whole business and like I said, that Dispatch article, and in particular that Feldman guy, was the last straw. The very last straw.

Finally, I’d love to be wrong about everything in this article. I hope Maurice Clarett proves me wrong about every single thing. I really do. That would mean that he straightened his life around and wised up. And that would be FANTASTIC.

But…

Maurice Clarett is a whiney ass little bitch and he isn’t going to do squat jack in the NFL. Period. Why? Because he continually makes excuses for himself and his conduct and allows other people to CONTINUELY make excuses for him as well, like this Feldman idiot.

So, specifically, why is Maurice Clarett a whiney ass little bitch? Now, to be clear, this is as opposed to being a “whiney ass bitch”, Hugh Grant; “punk ass bitch”, John Mayer; “punk ass little bitch”, Ben Afleck; “ugly little bitch”, Prince Charles; “ugly punk ass bitch”, Howard Stern; “crack ass bitch”, Courtney Love; “big huge crack ass bitch”, Joanie Laurer (Chyna); “stupid ass bitch”, Paris Hilton, “bitch ass bitch”, Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray); and just plain ol’ “bitch”, Bryant Gumball. Well, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out. I have seldom seen the level of whiney ass little bitchiness that is Maurice Clarett. Holy moly!

First, he spends half the season sidelined with a big toe injury or two. Everybody who’s honest knows that this was most likely simply a stunt to “protect” himself because he was too afraid of getting injured and hurting his chances at going pro. But gee, he’s always ready to go when the situation seems to favor him or he could come off as the hero. Give me a break.

Second, he repeatedly proved that he did not feel that the same rules that apply to everyone else should apply to him. He just must be “too damn special”. This happened with the whole “funeral” thing fiasco and then again with the NFL. But, oh no, it isn’t Maurice Clarett that is wrong, it is “the system” or “the man” or what not. Maurice Clarett is apparently NEVER wrong. He is not even ever “slightly in error”. Even I have been "slightly in error". It happened...once...a long time ago. I don't like to talk about it.

Then, he intentionally seeks to drag as many people through the mud as possible after the whiney little cry baby doesn’t get his way. Talk about childish “revenge”. He leaks non-stories to ESPN, etc. Is this guy twelve? Wahhhhhhh! I didn’t get my way. Wahhhhhhh!

And this Feldman guy, making reference to Mr. Clarett being in a “bad situation”. This is what set me off. A bad situation!?!? He was on a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP team for cryin' out loud and apparently nobody ELSE on that team had anywhere near the kind of problems that Clarett had. Clarett was in a bad situation created by himself for trying to skirt the system, being dishonest and outright lying. Even when repeatedly given chances for atonement he STILL would not come clean.

And it is for these reasons that Maurice Clarett won’t do squat in the NFL. Jack squat in fact. We’ve all seen the “big busts” before and here comes another one. If incredibly talented, seemingly class act guys like Archie Griffin can’t really do much in the NFL; guys with REAL work ethic, some whiney ass little bitch like Maurice Clarett sure as hell isn’t going to. As people in Columbus are never tired of pointing out, Mr. Griffin is the ONLY two-time winner of the Heisman Trophy but what they don't say is that his NFL career is a footnote of “averaged 4.1 yards per carry”. Chris Spielman was on a box of Wheaties when he was in high school, was one of probably the 50 greatest players EVER at Ohio State and an incredibly tough, old school football player but he’ll probably never make it into Canton. What a shame that is.

So is Clarett going to be anything in the NFL? Not a chance. Well, OK, it's a REMOTE possibility that he just might have been "saving himself" and is going to tear it up. But it is far, far more likely that those NFL guys are going to eat him alive and spit him out like a toothpick. Oh, he’ll get his chance sure enough. One of those NFL owners, probably the hapless freaking Browns, will give him the chance. Like I said Mr. Clarett is not stupid. As pointed out in the Dispatch article, this is his last chance and he knows it. If I had to guess, Mr. Clarett is going to spend a few years in the NFL as a mediocre running back, save his money and set himself up for life to live off the interest of the several million he’ll make. Not bad for a few years of “work”. Like I said, the guy is smart, he knows how to take advantage of the system. But don’t kid yourself that he is suddenly going to gain maturity and become some kind of star in the NFL. Won’t happen. The guy is one of the most myopic, self-centered whiney ass little bitches that I have ever seen. You don’t just change that overnight.

So, come-on, even the most ARDENT Maurice Clarett supporter out there. You HAVE to admit that regardless of how personable he may be or this or that, he is still a whiney ass little bitch. If you can’t admit that, then you are simply not being honest about it. And Mr. Clarett, a word of advice. If someone is NOT telling you that you are a whiney ass little bitch, it is SOLELY because of one of three things. Either they see you as $$$ in their pocket, they are whiney ass little bitches just like you or they are your mother. That’s it. Case closed.