The Objective Observer

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Gay and Lesbian Interest

• Of Meerkats and Men
• Gays - A Final Word
• The Science of Gay
• I Don't Care That You're Gay
• Homosexuals and Housing
• Gay Travel
• Gay Superheroes
• Of Queers and Men

OK, this is my final essay on gays for now. Why? Well, for several reasons actually. Primarily it is because I have already said pretty much everything that needs to be said and I am going to say the remainder here. Second, there are a bunch of other topics that need to be fleshed out. Chief among these is Religion, oh yeah baby, here it comes. Finally, I don’t want my wife to start questioning my manhood or think that I have this unhealthy fascination with gays and homosexuality. I try to tell her that it is a very complex and important topic, perhaps one of the most important societal issues of our generation, but she still gives me shit about it!

So, I have two major items that I want to give my final thoughts on. First off, just in case you were wondering, I do in fact have EVERY intention of gloating. Hey man, I called this past election a LONG time ago and I am here to let everyone know about it. Go read my other essays on homosexuality and tell me that I didn’t call it; go ahead.

But, it is even better than that. I was at a bar, Rush Creek Grill, back in February 2004 and the topic of the election came up. I stated then that the election was really about one and only one issue, the overall direction of the country, and that this issue was epitomized by the gay marriage/gay “rights” issue. I further stated that neither side wanted to touch this issue because it was a loser for the Democrats and as long as the Dems didn’t bring it up; the Republicans sure as hell weren’t going to bring it up. And I FURTHER stated that the silent majority in this country was going to vote in unprecedented numbers and elect W. because of this issue. All other things being equal; this issue tipped the scale and motivated people. Oh yeah, I also fell into a half-drunken rant about the apparent stupidity of homosexuals in waking up the religious right fanatics. Really, the rest of the population just thanks you so much for THAT. Grrr...

So, big deal, I was right once again. But DAMN was I right! I mean…damn! OK, OK, enough of the gloating. I have plenty of witnesses; you know who you are. My position was/is simply that marriage is an institution worth protecting. You do not simply throw out thousands of years of a proven track record of promoting a stable family on a whim or a fad. And families ARE important. Of COURSE you protect marriage.

So, I want to clear up some things that people do not seem to understand about why the gay marriage issue, and hence the election, went the way it did. I have to tell you; and my wife can attest to this fact, that I was flipping out and jumping around the house like a mad man the day after the election when all of the talking heads were scratching themselves and saying moronic stuff like, “Well, this is completely unexpected, but the whole election seems to have come down to gay marriage.” Shocker. And, “We just can’t explain why people voted the way they did and are so divided over this gay marriage thing.”

Allow me to clear up the mystery here folks. Why people voted the way they did and feel the way they do is extremely easy to explain. In fact, it is because it is so unbelievably basic that all of the academics don’t understand it, they muddle the issue up with layers of crap that don’t mean anything. But first, let’s take a look at what didn’t cause things to work out the way they did.

First, it is not because the majority of the population are ignorant bigots that hate homosexuals. As I have explained in previous essays, the vast majority of the population is rather ambivalent and despite what academics and foreigners would have you believe, the American population is not ignorant. They get the basics and the basics are what are important. They may not know Pi to the twentieth digit, grand; flawed social theories, what distinguishes a Happy quark from other quarks or any other irrelevant academic trivia that is meaningless to the everyday lives of people that actually have to WORK for a living; but they get the basics. And when I say work, I mean digging ditches, serving ungrateful, snot-nosed, poorly parented, little teenage bastards in Dublin restaurants or working in a factory. Not what academics view as work, such as daily demonstrating their ignorance on TV, teaching the same class they have been teaching for the last 20 years or watching a bunch of factory workers slave away while they worry about whether they will meet their widget goal and get their full Christmas bonus.

Second, this insipid “the message didn’t get out” business. Actually, the message came across loud and clear and people rejected it. Just because you THINK you have good position on an issue does not mean that you actually have a good position on an issue. The message came across just fine, in fact; if anything, it came across a little TOO well. And here is an area ripe for conspiracy theories. In fact, if I were a Republican strategist and wanted to win the election, I would DEFINITELY have sent a “gay” couple to raise a raucous about gay marriage IN THE HOME STATE OF THE GUY I WAS RUNNING AGAINST or paid off some judge to rule in favor of gay marriage. Overall, I’m not a big believer in conspiracy theories, but I’m just sayin’.

So, why did this issue and election go the way it did? Simple, because even the stupidest American understands two things. One, “Majority rules, minority rights”. Two, “Marriage is not a right; that’s why you need a license…jackass.”

Everybody learns all of this by 10th grade, people. By the time you are 16, everybody knows this BASIC stuff. And it is BECAUSE people know these basics that they voted the way they did. Period. Democracies and republics are ruled by the majority. The majority enforces its values and morals on the rest of society while, hopefully, respecting the rights spelled out in the Constitution and Bill of Rights. A balance of power exists between the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches to ensure that this is the case. Basic, 10th or 11th grade government. Easy.

Oh, and marriage is not a right because you need a license. Everyone learns THAT at 16 too when they go get a driver’s, what? Oh yeah, license. It is drilled into your head that driving is a privilege, not a right and that is why you need a license for it. It is not that great an intellectual leap to apply this driver’s license principle to marriage, except for; apparently, all of the supposedly intellectually superior academics.

That’s it, that’s as complex as it gets. There’s certainly no mystery. Why people struggle with this is completely beyond me. Even 16 year olds, who don’t know squat, understand this.

The only mystery for gays is why the age-old trick of changing the language didn’t work. “If we call marriage a right instead of a privilege, then we will win.” This is a time-honored trick. For instance, the Ohio State Highway Patrol tried to get a pool for training purposes for years and years and years without success. They changed the word “pool” to “training tank” and presto, they received the funding. History is littered with examples of this. Let’s call killing a fetus a “right to choose”...

But, there is no mystery here either. This changing the wording trick works just fine on academics, who are apparently so damn intelligent they cannot see straight, but the common “man”, individual, has common sense at his or her disposal and can see right through pathetic, weak-ass little tricks like that. Just because you call it a “training tank” doesn’t mean that it is NOT a pool. It’s still a pool. And marriage is still a privilege, not a “right” despite however many times you call it a “right”. You can call a chair a table, but it doesn’t make it a table.

So, enough about the election and clearing up that big huge non-mystery, let’s move on to the second item and that is the larger issue of the future of homosexuality within society as a whole. The central questions here are three. First, what is the percentage of the population that is gay? Second, is this percentage growing or shrinking? And finally, what is the cause of homosexuality?

We will attack these questions in reverse. First, the cause of homosexuality. As I have pointed out in previous essays, the cause of homosexuality is overpopulation, or; more exactly, stresses brought about by high population density. These stresses cause some kind of as yet to be determined biochemical or biomechanical reaction that triggers a buried genetic sequence or influences brain development during pregnancy. The source of this is probably an ancient genetic adaptation or an intelligently designed mechanism specifically designed to prevent rapid extinction due to overpopulation. I have no proof for this other than simple logic, but I am confident that science will vindicate this position once scientists become smart enough to actually think for themselves. Thus, there really IS a difference between city-folk and country-folk but that is a subject for another, upcoming, essay.

So what does this mean? This means that the percentage of homosexuality is most likely going to increase because the world’s population is growing while habitat is not. So, unless we reduce population density, the percentage of homosexuals is likely to continue to increase. This means either getting off of the rock, Earth, or expansion into currently uninhabitable terrain such as the artic or oceans or; God forbid, smarter civil engineering that does not include stacking people right on top of one another. The likelihood of any of these things occurring soon, especially smarter civil engineering, is highly unlikely. Boy is THAT a side rant there. Civil engineers and civil engineering in general is a sore spot for me, especially considering the “brilliant” highway intersections around Columbus; but I’ll refrain from that for now. Another option is to have a bunch of wars in order to kill off large segments of the population, but that is a rather crappy solution.

So, finally what about the current population of homosexuals. Well, it is what it is. Estimates range from 1% to 10% of the population, but whose population? Cities, rural, America, Europe, the World? It’s probably in the 1-3% range worldwide. Could be higher. There are lots of people, especially males, packed into China. Lots of people packed into Europe as well. Unfortunately getting an accurate census of homosexuals worldwide is probably next to impossible and all studies that I have seen have significant flaws that render their results nearly meaningless. Oh well, the exact percentage does not really matter all that much. All that really matters is the fact that it is a minority, regardless of whose estimate you use.

So, what am I saying? Well, and I am sure that there are lots of people out there that don’t want to hear this, but homosexuality IS a problem. It is a problem tied to and indicative of the larger problem of unrestricted population growth coupled with high population density and is therefore something that we need to FIX through better urban planning, social engineering or increased technology. The fact that we have people being born without the inclination to propagate the species goes AGAINST the natural order of things. Not saying that it is “wrong” or being bigoted here, just stating facts. The natural order is to breed, propagate the species and evolve, not to voluntarily go extinct. Extinction is, for all practical purposes, inevitable but not something to be actively courted.

So, final words, I have nothing against homosexuals in any way, but that doesn’t mean it is not a problem. I have nothing personal against herpes either, but I’d still like to see it cured. I know, I know, blood vessels are popping right and left over likening homosexuality to a disease, but it IS; in effect, just that. It is a social ill that is curable without praying away gayness, systematic erradication or other such nonsense. We need to be able to look at the issue objectively and reach conclusions without everyone getting wrapped up in “going to hell” idiotic rhetoric. We need to have compassion for those afflicted by a problem that we, society, have created; but that should not dissuade us from trying to solve it.